I suppose you can call me a real Ph.D. student now because I'm about to relate a fundamental property I'm learning about to my real life. I've been studying too much I guess. The title to this post is the name of a property that describes the way a certain random variable behaves. To avoid too much jargon it basically says that this given variable behaves in a certain way until any given point in time. At that point the behavior effectively starts over and the remaining time of the variables life mimics the behavior of the first part hence a "memoryless" property to this variable. I'm sure that if any of my colleagues or professors were to read this they would laugh at the fact that my poor description of this property clearly indicates my lack of understanding of relatively clear concepts. Regardless I will write more in hopes to better explain why I even bring this up.
Currently I feel as though I'm in a circus. I promise I didn't explain the above simply to tell you I'm a clown. If someone was looking in from the outside it would appear that I'm in the middle of a tent riding a unicycle while juggling 5 bowling pins. That definitely sounds like I'm a talented individual but not exactly what I'm trying to get at. This has been our week. So much going on and so much juggling happening. If someone tries to add one more bowling pin for us to juggle we just might drop a pin. We don't want a pity party but you can send cupcakes. random but I like cupcakes at parties. No one wants to drop something they are juggling. We want to succeed, put on a good show and in some ways be perfect. Which leads me to why I discussed the property above.
As I approach this point in which I feel I cannot juggle anymore I reach a breaking point that forces me to ask for help. Someone who can help me juggle or show me that it may be ok to drop a pin. Not from a friend or family member but from my Lord who gives strength, direction, and a peace that I cannot fully understand. He shows me a glimpse of my story that he is unfolding in these moments and the reason for the circus. You ask how often do I reach this point? Weekly, daily, hourly, all of the above? Yes. In those breaking moments I am brought to a place where I realize the Lord's promises to sustain and to carry our burdens. However, the very next second I forget this truth of which I am reminded and start the process all over again. How dumb am I? Thus in my rambling I have come full circle back to how my life resembles a random variable that exhibits no memory and forgets its past experiences which I briefly described above. What if I lived in a way that I am daily reminded of His goodness and promises rather than turning my back and forgetting almost immediately after the reminder? Seems silly not to. Maybe I am the clown.